Turning 22

A couple of weeks ago, I turned 22 and this was the first ever birthday that left me with a strange mix of emotions. As I officially reached another year of existence, I realised what it was that made this year so different from the last, I always anticipated what lied ahead, this year however was not the case. This was all due to Covid-19, which left the future feeling so unpredictable and uncontrollable. Despite this as my special day approached, I felt a little lost and confused yet I was happy,very grateful but it just felt like this day was nothing more than just an ordinary day. 

I didn't really want to be celebrated though I still accepted and appreciated the generous gifts from my friends and family, I still had a beautiful family dinner and I still feel lucky to have lived another year. However deep down I felt bittersweet, I couldn't help but wonder why my life was being celebrated when so many others never will. As much as I do believe all life should be celebrated, it's incredible that once a year there is a day dedicated to each and every one of us. Though there are millions of people in the world that don't have that. There's no record of their birth, no clock to track time, no calendar to tell the date, no phone to set an alarm and no facebook to use as a reminder. 

We have reached a point in society where people need validation by the number of birthday wishes they get on their facebook timeline, number of likes on an instagram post or an updated profile photo from people they haven't even been in contact for years. But numbers shouldn't validate your worth, respect and self worth should play into verification of your worth. There's no amount of likes in the world that can validate how anyone should feel about themselves. 

I think what's influenced me to keep my birthday so low key is that I wondered what it would feel like for the millions of people who will never know their birthday or the feeling of sheer excitement of waking up to gifts and people celebrating their life. They wouldn't know any different and on this particular birthday, I just wanted to be thankful for growing another year older and to live a normal day as it was, be able to relax and be thankful for the kind wishes and generosity. 

21 was one of the most hectic, stressful but eye opening years I have ever experienced, It was filled with so many emotions but it taught me so much not only about life, but myself (stay tuned for another blog post on this).I'm so grateful to have such supportive friends and family that are thankful for my presence but gifts are so materialistic and unimportant to me. The most precious gift in life is gratitude and we are all very fortunate to even know the day that we are born. 

So here's to turning 22, another lap around the sun x 

Live your best life

When we think about our 'best life' we simply imagine ourselves in a place with no pain or suffering and where all our dreams and ambitions come full circle. We imagine ourselves being able to make an impact on not only our lives but the lives of those who have helped us in our journeys to where we are now. On a deeper level, living our best life means to find purpose and meaning in life, live up to your potential and do all the things you hope to do someday now instead of putting them off for the foreseeable future. 

We all have visions of a better tomorrow, whether that be to exercise more, find a career you actually love, earn more money, gain more free time and so on. However these visions lead us to a path where it's okay to want, we all have such high expectations of ourselves, because we want more and are capable of more but part of living our best life is learning to harness that power. It's natural to dream and wish, however life is temporary and you shouldn't wait for it to feel fulfilled, you should take action and take every opportunity as it comes. 

In order for our best lives to become readily perceived, we must embrace ourselves whether that's in terms of appearance, religion, gender or lifestyle. Being able to live comfortably, unapologetically and in disregard of all those who don't accept who we are is the key to unlocking your best life. Part of the journey is self inquiry and to uncover what really interests us and makes us feel alive. However discovering what we want in life also means facing what we don't want. Although this is a turbulent process, learning to live life with authenticity and honesty leads to rewards that often surpass our expectations. Even simple everyday life can feel amazing when we are living it with purpose. 

Life comes fast, there comes situations where we have to put in time and effort for, whereas others happen almost instantly. A particular situation that comes to mind is the summer placement I gained in my second year of university. The application process was quite stressful and despite a few rejections, I still had the motivation to persevere until I managed to gain several interviews. Regardless of how opportunities arise and the rejections faced along the way, the one way to ensure that your life goes the way you want it to, is to be grateful for all situations no matter good or bad and we just have to ride the waves, no matter how bumpy they may be you'll always find a way to conquer through. 

Ultimately, living our best life comes down to us being grateful. Grateful for getting more time to make a difference, grateful for the people that are in our lives and most importantly being grateful for who we are. In order to truly live our best life, you have to be selfish and think about yourself. This doesn't come easy to me however asking myself how the next decision is going to benefit me in the rest of my life is crucial. I've come to learn that living a life full of everyone's decisions instead of my own will slowly lead me down a path of always feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had come out it before it got worse. Though living a life full of my own choices, embracing myself and my actions, through strength, courage and self respect will ensure I create the life I desire. 

As Oprah Winfrey once said ' the biggest adventure you can take to life is to live the life of your dreams'

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The power of friendship

Friends come in all shapes and sizes, there's facebook only friends who you hide from when you see them at tesco's. There's friends who only pop up when they need something or want to arrange to meet up so they can spend hours whinging about anything and everything.There's childhood friends who you grow up with, no matter where you go, what you do they will always come by and take you back to the early stages of life, rooted in longevity. Though only the lucky ones will have the same childhood friends in all stages of their life. Finally there's life long friends whom you meet throughout various stages in life, who you see once in a blue moon but feel like no time has actually passed when you finally do catch up. 

People tend to say 'pics or it didn't happen' so does that mean your friends are any less precious? because you don't have pictures with them? They also say your true friends are ones you have the least or if any photos with, though sometimes we worry that we rush to document our every moment with people to the point where you don't live in the moment. Rather than living with them, you're just documenting it. And granted, if you don't document it, chances are you will forget it. I guess I'm still trying to find that balance, between making sure moments are memorable without making them seem superficial. 

A picture could hardly capture how deeply I feel for some of my closest friends, whether it's all the times of laughter, stress and tears we've shared or the times where we had no clue what we were doing, we've always had the support of each other to get us by, even if it is in the form of a 220 day snapchat streak.You know that they will always be there to listen to your problems, lend a shoulder to cry on, and cheer you up with their amazing sense of humour and comforting hugs. 

No matter how far apart friendships seem so transient, but the ones that last are the ones that keep us going, or at least I'd hope so. Ultimately good friends are like stars, you don't always see them but know they are always there. 

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What life in lockdown has taught me

When I reminisce about what I thought the year ahead would be like, I didn't think we'd all be searching through our cupboards for hand sanitiser, flour or fighting over toilet paper. But, here we are. Though as lockdown restrictions begin to be lifted, I thought it would be interesting to share some of the lessons I have learn't whilst riding this emotional rollercoaster of these uncertain times. 

1. Your best is good enough 

I used to always set myself really high standards and put pressure on myself to do the best that I could do in everything that I put my mind to, whether that be in terms of work or hobbies. However naturally I felt disappointed and defeated whenever I didn't reach my intended goals and this is where my mindset was leading me... I was afraid of failure. At the beginning of lockdown I felt this huge pressure to be super productive. I found myself exercising more than I had ever done before, I went on daily walks and runs, baked several cakes, read numerous books and had even explored parts of my town I never thought existed. In reality, it was exhausting and all I wanted to do was binge-watch netflix in my pj's. The thing is you're one person going through an unprecedented situation so it is okay to let loose, show yourself some compassion and start enjoying life instead of stressing about it ... your best truly is good enough and all that matters is that you are doing what you need and want to do. 

2. Do things at your own pace 

I'm awful for comparing myself to others, and my anxiety is triggered by thoughts of falling behind. According to social media everyone seems to be thriving in their jobs, buying a house or getting engaged and I often feel like I need to catch up but what I've learn't is that life isn't a race. Everyone is on their own journey with different paths and it's stupid to compare them because they're just so different. Ultimately you need to decide what and when is best for you and forget what everyone else is doing as life is way too short for this. You can't live your own life, if you're playing by other people's rules or constantly seeking for approval. As long as you are comfortable with your choice, then you're making the right decision for yourself. 

3. You will have good days and bad days 

Lockdown has truly been a rollercoaster of emotions, I think we can all agree. There are days where I have been able to complete my to do lists, bake a cake, fit in a run and even have a pamper session at the end of the day. However there are also days where I have found myself crying and never wanting to leave my bed. Both of these days are perfectly normal, it's okay to allow yourself to have bad days though this does not necessarily lead to a bad week, bad month or a bad year and this does not at all dictate a bad life. To be honest, I have had awful days in lockdown where I have just felt so isolated, lonely and depressed however I have also had days where I have laughed and felt supported. Ultimately it's good to accept your bad days for what they are as well as your good days as they will more than makeup for all the bad ones in the end.

4. Keep things in perspective 

Our everyday life was taken for granted, from popping into the shops for some snacks to not being able to see people who love and care about you. It's terrifying to think that one day this was all reality, however I think we must all admit that we get caught up on the smaller details, although these might seem important at the time they don't change the end result so aren't worth getting stressed over. It's important to constantly keep things in perspective and regularly remind yourself to look at the bigger picture instead of dwell on the smaller things in life. 

5. A simple life is a happy life 

As strange as it sounds, lockdown has made us strip back our lives and go back to basics. We've all come to treasure the time spent outside or connect with friends and family yet we've also been a part of something much bigger than ourselves. We've clapped for our key workers and volunteered to help the most vulnerable in our communities. What I've come to realise is that it is the little things that have made a difference whether that's seeing the sunset on walks or receiving positive messages from friends and family. But why has it taken a pandemic to remind us all of what truly matters? I am more determined to appreciate the little things in life though I don't know about you but I would give anything to have things return back to normal and to live our new normality at a slower pace. 

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Being your best self

Being your best self is not about wanting other people to think and act the way you do, it's about being tolerant and keeping a positive mindset without compromising your values. It is normal to be constantly striving to reach our best selves, whether that's to become more self-confident or to excel on a personal, professional and academic level. 

Don't get me wrong, striving for success is a good thing and it's a pathway we follow that we believe will better us. But when do we stop? when we've failed? when we've come across a hurdle? it usually is when something goes wrong. But we need to understand that it is okay to stop, think and be present with one's current self and honour how far we've come along the journey, focusing on what you've achieved so far and not what you haven't. Besides the journey is the fun part right? 

Stopping isn't a sign of weakness, nor is it an option to turn lazy and lose the drive to better ourselves but more a reminder that its okay to celebrate the achievements you've made along your journey. We as humans tend to beat ourselves up before celebrating our achievements, we instantly pick out the negatives of a situation instead of commemorate the positives. 

I have always lost my true self in the demands of society, by comparing myself to others which I have come to realise now has only made me feel bad about myself and highlight my insecurities. Though changing this mindset can be difficult, it is not impossible and in order to be our best selves, we shouldn't worry about what other people think even if it is within our human nature to want to be liked and accepted. This excessive worrying can be so debilitating and interfere with your ability to live your life to its fullest potential. 

Life is so fast pace and to reign in ones self and think about what is important in the future is acceptable. Next time you feel like you've let yourself down, just remember how far you've come...the journey, the friends, the people you've met along the way that have that have supported you to get to where you are now. 

Ultimately don't beat yourself up, you're doing great and remember we are all built for something so its okay to find a starting line, look over your shoulders and get lost in the wild. 

 

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'Best Friends Forever' doesn't always mean forever

BFF breakups are notoriously brutal, they can leave you feeling more alone, isolated and hollow unlike a romantic breakup where you've got your best friend to turn to for moral support. Whilst everyone usually acknowledges the trauma of a romantic breakup, people don't necessarily talk about the fallout of a best friend. The term 'best friends forever' is normally used because in the best of times we expect that person to always be around but in reality people change which is something I have had to come to terms with recently....

I have been best friends with someone for over 11 years now, as we went to university in different parts of the country we've drifted apart slightly over time. I have still tried to stay in contact with her over the years by messaging or the occasional facetime and calls, however recently I have come to realise that she hasn't replied or even seen my messages in months. What makes it worse is that you can tell she is online and active on social media, through her posts with other members of our close knit friendship group. I just don't know what I've done wrong if anything to deserve this type of treatment, I feel so lost. 

I keep reminding myself that no matter the reason, my friend simply wasn't capable of being the person I needed in order for our friendship to be sustained. Maybe one day, with time and distance I'll be able to understand what even went wrong. Maybe I won't. But in the meantime, I have to move on and know my own worth. As much as it hurts, I have come to learn that what originally brought us together isn't necessarily the thing that will hold us together, though this doesn't belittle or negate our friendship in any way but to accept this is crucial to finding closure. 

The idea of moving on scares me and although it's horrible, spending time and energy on people who also do the same is one step to mourning that loss. It's okay to be upset and take your time to process things, but appreciating the support system you already have and focusing on things that make you happy is uplifting. I have been trying to cope with my emotions by distracting myself - spending time outside or with people who's company I enjoy.

You are not alone, people change but there are always people around you who support you, and

 it feels so much better knowing that those are the ones that genuinely care. 

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Why I chose Civil Engineering

From an early age I have always been passionate about making a difference and contributing to positive change and so realised that there was a way to accomplish this with engineering. I wanted to endeavour into a field of constant evolution, that would allow me to make a direct impact on the world and shape it to be a better place. 

My passion for civil engineering stemmed from my grandfather who was a civil engineer specialised in hydraulics, he encouraged me to pursue a career in engineering after he noticed my interest for the built environment and my ambition for contributing towards the evolution and adaptation of society. Having been fascinated by his accomplishments, I was inspired to follow in his footsteps regardless of the stereotypes that came with it. As time passed, not only did I learn about the hindrances I could face as a woman but also as a person of colour yet I was determined to go against the grain and be involved in a career centered around creativity and creating a better world where diversity meets inclusion. 

Being born into a family whom are very medically oriented, I knew I had a lot to look up to. I outrightly knew that a career in the medical profession was not for me when I was so squeamish at the sight of blood in dissections as part of biology lessons at secondary school. My interest for civil engineering was further grounded by my passion for subjects such as product design and physics at secondary school. I have always had a creative outlook and wanted to be involved in a career that not only utilised this but also gave back to society in a rewarding way. After having completed my A levels in 2016, I then accepted an offer to study a civil engineering degree at Swansea University.

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An Open Letter to Future Female Engineers

As women in Engineering, we are often faced with a multitude of demining questions which often bring about hindrances or stigmas associated with the field. As a result we often experience a continual bias whereby we are underestimated constantly for our engineering knowledge, skills and performance levels on engineering tasks as opposed to men. Not only does this hinder a woman's self-confidence, but these tendencies also limit women in the workplace, discouraging us from actively seeking or pursuing careers in STEM related fields because it doesn't fit with the stereotypical image of femininity. 

I've learned that being a women in this field requires a high level of confidence, thick skin and you have to be able to stand up for yourself. Though I must admit I am not at all great this however I am still learning how best to tackle these situations. My perception of myself instantly changed a lot as I began university, and started to research more into the hindrances I could face as a woman in Engineering and how the environment I was in could affect this. 

During my time at university, I experienced high levels of loneliness, stress and anxiety. These emotions stemmed primarily from the death of my grandmother in my first year. At this time I felt at my absolute worst, I stopped taking care of myself and truly just let go as I felt guilty taking breaks from studying. I just felt like I was spiralling, and thought that anytime I spent doing anything other than studying was me self-sabotaging my future career. I continued to demoralise myself and compare myself to other people specifically peers on my course. I just felt like I wasn't good enough, and that I owed it to her, my family, friends and to everyone that has supported me to get to where I am today. I think I was more scared of failing them than I was myself, and so always put a lot of pressure on myself to work really hard to achieve what I set out to achieve, ultimately to make them proud. At times I found it hard to handle the pressure, where my imposter syndrome was at an all time high and I continuously began to doubt my accomplishments and my persistent internalised fear of failure. 

As time went on, I started becoming more confident in my engineering knowledge and abilities, and I was able to prioritise what was more important for me yet maintain a work life balance. I noticed a difference in myself personally, both emotionally and mentally. Additionally, I was performing just as I always felt I was capable of, I ended up averaging a first (>70%) at the end of my first year and have not looked back since. Although it took me a year to realise this, despite all the difficulties and emotional breakdowns, I was able to find the strength I needed to grow into who I am today and was finally able to tell myself that I could do it and there was nothing stopping me from achieving my future goals. 

Here I am today, a strong, determined, confident young woman ready to face any challenges the world may throw at me. If there's one thing I have learnt it is never to allow anyone to convince you that you do not belong where you are or where you want to be. No matter how hard it gets, we will overcome this unconscious bias and remove gender based roles and hindrances, ultimately there is always a place for a woman in STEM!!

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Isolation Worries

It’s crazy to think how far we've come in a world we live in now, the beginning of lockdown was almost 4 months ago now and restrictions have only recently started easing. Although there is still a lot of uncertainty about the future ahead, the presence of this pandemic has been a vital one for many. Eventhough life after this pandemic may not be exactly the same as is now, with the way social interactions and businesses are changing to adapt to the government guidelines, for the most part the world will be a much better place, more equipped, educated and prepared for something like this to happen again in the future. 

Though some may see this pandemic as a necessary inconvenience, a fusion of work and life at home or a leap into social media, with virtual meetings held face to face, others may see this period as a silver lining with more time to stay in contact with the ones you love the most, working on yourself and generally enjoying this time. Despite it being a time where levels of anxiety and stress are heightened, it is also a time that will rarely happen again.We need to remind ourselves that there is an end to this pandemic, it is only a temporary movement we are experiencing and life will resume back to normality eventually. 

For now, the time is what you make of it and when one reminisces these moments,what we had and do have, what we did do and what we could do to use the current crisis to build a better world becomes very prominent. I think the central lesson of the covid crisis is that our connected world suffers from a disconnected government leading to holes in the global safety net however human behaviour matters and it is what is protecting us from this virus. The collective behaviour of people complying with the terms of lockdown and social distancing combined with the numerous amount of resources at any time in human history the world has to tackle the problem and address the opportunities of a connected world leaves worry where it does need to be.

Unusual, scary, relaxing, uncomfortable are some of many words one can use to describe the feeling of this pandemic, however what sticks out the most is the sense of uncertainty, unknown and worry for the future. Everyone has different ways of dealing with it, whether it be going for a run or socialising with friends via a zoom call though taking every moment, minute and hour you can like its your last, can help you appreciate what is important and be grateful for what you have, when it seems like we're in a world that has almost stopped for a minute. 

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My Skincare Routine

Skin is a very temperamental organ, as a result not having a proper skin care routine can lead to dire consequences. I found this out the hard way, I used to get occasional breakouts on my skin because I have a combination of sensitive and dry skin. I quickly learned that skincare was a commitment and that the key success to clear skin was maintaining a proper skincare regime... after all first impressions do count. 

Having tried a lot of different products and methods, I have finally found a routine that works relatively well for me so I thought I'd share it in hope that it might also help and encourage others with similar skin issues. I've come to learn that there is such a thing as incorporating too many products into your skincare routine, although this can be overwhelming it can also over do it and there's nothing worse than having greasy, product lathered skin. Additionally, drinking a lot of water can help to remove the toxins in skin, providing a more radiant glow.

Step 1 - Cleansing 

Clinique Liquid Facial Soap Mild 

Religiously every morning I will start my skincare routine by washing my face with the Clinique 'Liquid Facial Soap Mild' cleanser. I lather it up on my face, rinse it off with cold water and then pat my face dry with a face cloth. Although this brand is more on the expensive side, it has always worked well with my combination skin type and when buying full size products they tend to last years.  

Ultrabland Facial Cleanser

Alternatively I will use the Lush 'Ultrabland Facial Cleanser' on those days where I am wearing excess makeup. I take about two forefingers' full and massage it between my fingers and palms, then gently swipe it all over my face. I then dampen a clean face cloth in warm water and glide it over my face to remove all the residue of dirt and makeup. It can scrub of even the clumpiest, most water resistant eye makeup and heavy foundation with ease, leaving my skin feeling soft and moisturised. A drawback to this product is that, as it is an oil based cleanser containing beeswax, it can be hard to remove with water and can leave your skin feeling greasy. 

Step 2 - Toning 

Pixi Glow Tonic

This is a new addition to my skincare routine, I purchased it not long ago having been recommended it by a friend, so I thought I'd try it out for myself. I have only been using this product for a couple of days now and can already see a significant difference in the appearance of my skin. I normally follow up my cleanser with the Pixi 'Glow Tonic' to brighten, tone and condition my skin, balancing all my pH's. I apply a few drops to a cotton wool pad, and sweep it all over my skin after cleansing (morning and evening) to gradually diminishing my imperfections. It leaves my skin feeling naturally fresh and dewy radiant. 

Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water 

On those days where I'm feeling truly lazy, I tend to just use the Garnier 'Micellar Cleansing Water'

as a toner. I apply a few drops to a cotton wool pad and sweep it all over my skin to refresh my complexion and draw out any dirt and impurities left over after cleansing without over-drying my skin. 

Step 3 - Moisturising 

 

Olay Complete Day Cream 

When it comes to moisturising, I use the Olay 'Complete Day Cream' moisturiser daily, I liberally apply this onto my hands and then gently massage it onto my face and neck. Not only does this product keep my skin feeling smooth and hydrated, it also contains SPF 15 which gently protects the surface of my skin from any incidental UV exposure, ultimately proving my skin with a natural healthy glow. 

 Step 4- Optionals/ As needed 

 Face Masks 

My go to facemasks are the Mask of Magnaminty and the L'oreal Paris Pure Clay Glow Mask

I have used the L'oreal Paris 'Pure Clay' glow mask for years, it's an all time favourite of mine and my go to for whenever I feel like having a pamper evening. I apply this, turn on netflix and get comfy in bed, after waiting 10 minutes I rinse it off and then pat my face dry with a face cloth. 

 When my skin is an absolute blunder in need of some TLC I used the Mask of Magnaminty. it is intensely cleansing and exfoliating on my skin and gives it a delightfully tingly clean sensation, not to mention it smells so pepperminty- you just want to eat it!! It is also a self preserving mask containing honey which helps to calm redness and soothe and moisturise my skin. 

Grease Lightning Spot Treatment 

This is another new addition to my skincare routine, I purchased the Lush 'Grease Lightning' spot treatment not long ago and it has finally arrived today!! I've not yet tried it out but I can thoroughly say that not only does this smell relaxing, it seems super effective at cooling and combating breakouts on those blemish prone days without completely drying out the skin. Honestly, I can say that this might become a holy grail product for me as I'm sure anytime I feel a breakout coming on, I'll make sure to use this. I'll pump a little onto my finger and apply it to any spots as often as I need, hoping that if I leave it on overnight the spots would magically disappear the next morning. I've been advised that a little bit goes a long way with this, so I'll try and use this one to two times a week whenever is necessary. 

I tend to repeat my skincare routine twice daily (morning and night), however some days the products I use may vary depending on how my skin is feeling. Hopefully you have found this somewhat useful and if you have any products or general skincare tips, definitely share them below as I would love to know!!

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