What life in lockdown has taught me

When I reminisce about what I thought the year ahead would be like, I didn't think we'd all be searching through our cupboards for hand sanitiser, flour or fighting over toilet paper. But, here we are. Though as lockdown restrictions begin to be lifted, I thought it would be interesting to share some of the lessons I have learn't whilst riding this emotional rollercoaster of these uncertain times. 

1. Your best is good enough 

I used to always set myself really high standards and put pressure on myself to do the best that I could do in everything that I put my mind to, whether that be in terms of work or hobbies. However naturally I felt disappointed and defeated whenever I didn't reach my intended goals and this is where my mindset was leading me... I was afraid of failure. At the beginning of lockdown I felt this huge pressure to be super productive. I found myself exercising more than I had ever done before, I went on daily walks and runs, baked several cakes, read numerous books and had even explored parts of my town I never thought existed. In reality, it was exhausting and all I wanted to do was binge-watch netflix in my pj's. The thing is you're one person going through an unprecedented situation so it is okay to let loose, show yourself some compassion and start enjoying life instead of stressing about it ... your best truly is good enough and all that matters is that you are doing what you need and want to do. 

2. Do things at your own pace 

I'm awful for comparing myself to others, and my anxiety is triggered by thoughts of falling behind. According to social media everyone seems to be thriving in their jobs, buying a house or getting engaged and I often feel like I need to catch up but what I've learn't is that life isn't a race. Everyone is on their own journey with different paths and it's stupid to compare them because they're just so different. Ultimately you need to decide what and when is best for you and forget what everyone else is doing as life is way too short for this. You can't live your own life, if you're playing by other people's rules or constantly seeking for approval. As long as you are comfortable with your choice, then you're making the right decision for yourself. 

3. You will have good days and bad days 

Lockdown has truly been a rollercoaster of emotions, I think we can all agree. There are days where I have been able to complete my to do lists, bake a cake, fit in a run and even have a pamper session at the end of the day. However there are also days where I have found myself crying and never wanting to leave my bed. Both of these days are perfectly normal, it's okay to allow yourself to have bad days though this does not necessarily lead to a bad week, bad month or a bad year and this does not at all dictate a bad life. To be honest, I have had awful days in lockdown where I have just felt so isolated, lonely and depressed however I have also had days where I have laughed and felt supported. Ultimately it's good to accept your bad days for what they are as well as your good days as they will more than makeup for all the bad ones in the end.

4. Keep things in perspective 

Our everyday life was taken for granted, from popping into the shops for some snacks to not being able to see people who love and care about you. It's terrifying to think that one day this was all reality, however I think we must all admit that we get caught up on the smaller details, although these might seem important at the time they don't change the end result so aren't worth getting stressed over. It's important to constantly keep things in perspective and regularly remind yourself to look at the bigger picture instead of dwell on the smaller things in life. 

5. A simple life is a happy life 

As strange as it sounds, lockdown has made us strip back our lives and go back to basics. We've all come to treasure the time spent outside or connect with friends and family yet we've also been a part of something much bigger than ourselves. We've clapped for our key workers and volunteered to help the most vulnerable in our communities. What I've come to realise is that it is the little things that have made a difference whether that's seeing the sunset on walks or receiving positive messages from friends and family. But why has it taken a pandemic to remind us all of what truly matters? I am more determined to appreciate the little things in life though I don't know about you but I would give anything to have things return back to normal and to live our new normality at a slower pace. 

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Being your best self

Being your best self is not about wanting other people to think and act the way you do, it's about being tolerant and keeping a positive mindset without compromising your values. It is normal to be constantly striving to reach our best selves, whether that's to become more self-confident or to excel on a personal, professional and academic level. 

Don't get me wrong, striving for success is a good thing and it's a pathway we follow that we believe will better us. But when do we stop? when we've failed? when we've come across a hurdle? it usually is when something goes wrong. But we need to understand that it is okay to stop, think and be present with one's current self and honour how far we've come along the journey, focusing on what you've achieved so far and not what you haven't. Besides the journey is the fun part right? 

Stopping isn't a sign of weakness, nor is it an option to turn lazy and lose the drive to better ourselves but more a reminder that its okay to celebrate the achievements you've made along your journey. We as humans tend to beat ourselves up before celebrating our achievements, we instantly pick out the negatives of a situation instead of commemorate the positives. 

I have always lost my true self in the demands of society, by comparing myself to others which I have come to realise now has only made me feel bad about myself and highlight my insecurities. Though changing this mindset can be difficult, it is not impossible and in order to be our best selves, we shouldn't worry about what other people think even if it is within our human nature to want to be liked and accepted. This excessive worrying can be so debilitating and interfere with your ability to live your life to its fullest potential. 

Life is so fast pace and to reign in ones self and think about what is important in the future is acceptable. Next time you feel like you've let yourself down, just remember how far you've come...the journey, the friends, the people you've met along the way that have that have supported you to get to where you are now. 

Ultimately don't beat yourself up, you're doing great and remember we are all built for something so its okay to find a starting line, look over your shoulders and get lost in the wild. 

 

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'Best Friends Forever' doesn't always mean forever

BFF breakups are notoriously brutal, they can leave you feeling more alone, isolated and hollow unlike a romantic breakup where you've got your best friend to turn to for moral support. Whilst everyone usually acknowledges the trauma of a romantic breakup, people don't necessarily talk about the fallout of a best friend. The term 'best friends forever' is normally used because in the best of times we expect that person to always be around but in reality people change which is something I have had to come to terms with recently....

I have been best friends with someone for over 11 years now, as we went to university in different parts of the country we've drifted apart slightly over time. I have still tried to stay in contact with her over the years by messaging or the occasional facetime and calls, however recently I have come to realise that she hasn't replied or even seen my messages in months. What makes it worse is that you can tell she is online and active on social media, through her posts with other members of our close knit friendship group. I just don't know what I've done wrong if anything to deserve this type of treatment, I feel so lost. 

I keep reminding myself that no matter the reason, my friend simply wasn't capable of being the person I needed in order for our friendship to be sustained. Maybe one day, with time and distance I'll be able to understand what even went wrong. Maybe I won't. But in the meantime, I have to move on and know my own worth. As much as it hurts, I have come to learn that what originally brought us together isn't necessarily the thing that will hold us together, though this doesn't belittle or negate our friendship in any way but to accept this is crucial to finding closure. 

The idea of moving on scares me and although it's horrible, spending time and energy on people who also do the same is one step to mourning that loss. It's okay to be upset and take your time to process things, but appreciating the support system you already have and focusing on things that make you happy is uplifting. I have been trying to cope with my emotions by distracting myself - spending time outside or with people who's company I enjoy.

You are not alone, people change but there are always people around you who support you, and

 it feels so much better knowing that those are the ones that genuinely care. 

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Why I chose Civil Engineering

From an early age I have always been passionate about making a difference and contributing to positive change and so realised that there was a way to accomplish this with engineering. I wanted to endeavour into a field of constant evolution, that would allow me to make a direct impact on the world and shape it to be a better place. 

My passion for civil engineering stemmed from my grandfather who was a civil engineer specialised in hydraulics, he encouraged me to pursue a career in engineering after he noticed my interest for the built environment and my ambition for contributing towards the evolution and adaptation of society. Having been fascinated by his accomplishments, I was inspired to follow in his footsteps regardless of the stereotypes that came with it. As time passed, not only did I learn about the hindrances I could face as a woman but also as a person of colour yet I was determined to go against the grain and be involved in a career centered around creativity and creating a better world where diversity meets inclusion. 

Being born into a family whom are very medically oriented, I knew I had a lot to look up to. I outrightly knew that a career in the medical profession was not for me when I was so squeamish at the sight of blood in dissections as part of biology lessons at secondary school. My interest for civil engineering was further grounded by my passion for subjects such as product design and physics at secondary school. I have always had a creative outlook and wanted to be involved in a career that not only utilised this but also gave back to society in a rewarding way. After having completed my A levels in 2016, I then accepted an offer to study a civil engineering degree at Swansea University.

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An Open Letter to Future Female Engineers

As women in Engineering, we are often faced with a multitude of demining questions which often bring about hindrances or stigmas associated with the field. As a result we often experience a continual bias whereby we are underestimated constantly for our engineering knowledge, skills and performance levels on engineering tasks as opposed to men. Not only does this hinder a woman's self-confidence, but these tendencies also limit women in the workplace, discouraging us from actively seeking or pursuing careers in STEM related fields because it doesn't fit with the stereotypical image of femininity. 

I've learned that being a women in this field requires a high level of confidence, thick skin and you have to be able to stand up for yourself. Though I must admit I am not at all great this however I am still learning how best to tackle these situations. My perception of myself instantly changed a lot as I began university, and started to research more into the hindrances I could face as a woman in Engineering and how the environment I was in could affect this. 

During my time at university, I experienced high levels of loneliness, stress and anxiety. These emotions stemmed primarily from the death of my grandmother in my first year. At this time I felt at my absolute worst, I stopped taking care of myself and truly just let go as I felt guilty taking breaks from studying. I just felt like I was spiralling, and thought that anytime I spent doing anything other than studying was me self-sabotaging my future career. I continued to demoralise myself and compare myself to other people specifically peers on my course. I just felt like I wasn't good enough, and that I owed it to her, my family, friends and to everyone that has supported me to get to where I am today. I think I was more scared of failing them than I was myself, and so always put a lot of pressure on myself to work really hard to achieve what I set out to achieve, ultimately to make them proud. At times I found it hard to handle the pressure, where my imposter syndrome was at an all time high and I continuously began to doubt my accomplishments and my persistent internalised fear of failure. 

As time went on, I started becoming more confident in my engineering knowledge and abilities, and I was able to prioritise what was more important for me yet maintain a work life balance. I noticed a difference in myself personally, both emotionally and mentally. Additionally, I was performing just as I always felt I was capable of, I ended up averaging a first (>70%) at the end of my first year and have not looked back since. Although it took me a year to realise this, despite all the difficulties and emotional breakdowns, I was able to find the strength I needed to grow into who I am today and was finally able to tell myself that I could do it and there was nothing stopping me from achieving my future goals. 

Here I am today, a strong, determined, confident young woman ready to face any challenges the world may throw at me. If there's one thing I have learnt it is never to allow anyone to convince you that you do not belong where you are or where you want to be. No matter how hard it gets, we will overcome this unconscious bias and remove gender based roles and hindrances, ultimately there is always a place for a woman in STEM!!

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